**Pair this with cold donuts and sugar loaded coffee energy drinks.**
The top shelf was too far away. Not five feet now. Miles. Eons. Glints of light twinkled off the bottles. They could stave off the encroaching curtains of thick black fabric. Cold fabric.
"And that is crap. Crap, crap, crap. Crapola."
And so the cursor blinked. She blinked. The sky…
"NO", she thought. Curled up on the floor and slept while the fan drowned out the silence, watching only reruns and eating sugar and salt by the spoonful.
Here lies the writer.
STOP, said some cosmic being. This is ludicrous.
— Donna Tartt, author of The Secret History (via vintageanchorbooks)
loreface said: RAH I CANT SEND YOU ANNON THINGS IF YOU DONT HAVE QUESTIONS OPEN ON YOUR OTHER BLOG. GOSH. HOW IS A BRO SUPPOSED TO ASSULT YOU WITH ASKS HE CANT ASK
UUUHhhhhhh Derp :B…i think I made things better…I think
— Audrey Niffennegger, article at The Guardian
I feel it rising through
The pressure of words
Their cries, resistance to
or delayed realization
shake through my eyes
Only the tears fall
on the bed sheets
collar, bare skin
hands pruned by pain and time
The morning started with a vague sense of dreariness, most likely due to the fact I have four hours of work after two days off. Extended time away makes it harder to think “yes, this is my responsibility. let me break myself away from this freedom to choose what to do to go back to work.”
Granted, I was the one who called in for the last two days due to an emergency tooth issue, but it seemed urgent at the time I thought of it. That’s because the dreary feeling hasn’t just been an ailment for this morning. It had been more like a thread through me for the last three days. Bright red thread through the chest, out through the sternum, like floss, a tickle, sore, throbbing. Uneasy feeling in my gut.
The morning ended, around 11, with my clothes soaking wet on the right side and piled on the floor. The heat from a glowing oven eye sent the water into a frenzy while I stood naked in the kitchen grabbing a tea cup. As the whistle started, the change of clothes in the dryer warming, I decided everything so far today wasn’t a loss.
In between was a dash to a meeting I’d forgotten about, which, through the haze was like a fast moving hand grabbing me by the collar. It sounded like my Google Calendar reminding me I had ten minutes until the departmental meeting. The 8:30 meetings are mine to record. Afterwards, I sat with Rogan to catch up on everything.
Downstairs, the highlight of coming in, was Sedaris’s Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls Audiobook. Because of it, I got through some errands. Take trash to the bin, take donations to Goodwill, pick up birth control and finally return home.
Where I lock my keys in the car and have to lay on the water covered ground to get the extra key, a child holding a bottle down the sidewalk staring at me.
Next door little girl:
"Why are you wet?"
The resulting conversation ended with.
"Well that’s cool"
Yes, magnetic boxes with keys are cool indeed….
And I’m cold, I thought.
Hence the warm clothes and warm tea as if I was about to take in a cold, lonely stranger with no where to go…or about to help a woman giving birth.
What Jordan didn’t expect was that the dirt would slip between his neck and sweat soaked collar, trickling down his back and lacing the inside of his boxers. Dead bugs, vegetation, worms, cold against his back that was hot with labored breath. Possibly pieces of dirt that had soaked up the gases of the dead, seeping out of coffins and rising to the surface. The coffin had been cheap, Jordan thought. But he kept going. It had bothered him that his brother had jumped from the top of his office building, after working 15 years on the second floor, straight into a closed coffin. No peek of the in between, no glimpse or visual deterrent, a warning sign of crushed bone and flesh, to tell him, the little brother left behind, that down wasn’t the way to go, even with all this responsibility coming down on him. Jordan stopped to catch his breath and shook the dirt off.
I’m on a bit of an Eleanor Roosevelt kick…and I’m watching the HBO movie “Eleanor and Franklin”. The way she is nervous around Franklin with his strong advances at a dance, nervous, shy, wondering why he is advancing though she tries to get away - there I am. Oh, hey, that’s me.
Him trying to propose and she’s like “what? you can’t love me. That’s impossible.” and he’s like “b**** please, marry me.” See for yourself: clip
Also noticed these small booklets around the wrist of the women at the dances. Curious, I tried searching “notes pinned to sleeves formal dances”, “formal dance notes” and “cuff notes”. Finally “formal dance etiquette introduction card” worked. They are called “dance cards”, an interesting detail in the whole production, matching wonderfully with the intricate lace work on the period dresses. I’m watching Part One and the lead actors are wonderful - Jane Alexander’s voice is great, matching the voice while being genuine and Edward Herrman so far is a very convincing FDR. If only he were shorter than she as FDR was in real life.